CCC's for PPO's

Cool, Calm, Collected Responses to Behaviours that Peeve People Off
Following on from the PPO's listed in the previous post (PPO's being behaviours that Peeve People Off!); here's some ideas on how to respond ...

CCC's for PPO's

Cool, Calm, Collected responses to behaviours that Peeve People Off!

As a reminder, the top 10 PPO's were; People ...

PPO#10: Taking priority over you/others.
PPO#9: Making assumptions about you/others.
PPO#8: Drawing conclusions about you/others.
PPO#7: Forcing responsibilities on you/others.
PPO#6: Taking responsibilities from you/others.
PPO#5: Setting limits and dictating rules & imposing them on you/others.
PPO#4: Making decisions & imposing them on you/others.
PPO#3: Demanding compliance and obedience from you/others.
PPO#2: Manipulating you/others behaviour with rewards/punishments.
PPO#1: Abusing power to get you/others to do what they want.

Common defensive reactions to PPO's result from taking it personally; and striking out (by attacking others) or sucking it up (as a way to protect ourselves).

Before we go getting hot under the collar about what people seem to be doing, and using either of these strategies, here's a suggestion:

Check It Out

That means turning our attention to whatever it is people seem to be doing, and check it out. We do it by reflecting back to people what we think is happening - as a QUESTION (not an accusation!). For example;

• Are you making assumptions about me/them?
• You're drawing to conclusions about me/them?
• Are you trying to force your responsibilities on me/them?
• You're trying to manipulate me/them with rewards and punishments?

Get the idea?

If people claim not to be doing it, we can simply respond;

• No? Ok then. (and move on)

Whatever's happening, to check it out is a simple 2-step process;

1. Use a question frame, for example;

• Are you ...
• Are you trying to ...
• You're ...
• You're trying to ...

2. Add whatever it is people seem to be doing;

• taking priority over me/them?
  
• making assumptions about me/them?
  
• drawing conclusions about me/them?
  
• forcing your responsibilities on me/them?
  
• taking responsibilities from me/them?
  
• setting limits and dictating rules & imposing them on me/them?
  
• making decisions & imposing them on me/them?
  
• demanding compliance and obedience from me/them?
  
• manipulating my/their behaviour with rewards/punishments.
  
• abusing your power to get me/them to do what you want?
  

If people aren't doing what you think they're doing - it's a good thing to have cleared the air ... to have set the record straight.

If people are doing what you think they're doing, this simple technique is often enough to stop the behaviour in it's tracks. And if it doesn't ... there's more about it in the book: 'What's Going On?' An Exploration of Communication: What Hurts and What Works.

Jump to download the book now. Since it's Christmas, you're welcome to download it for free with my compliments. Happy Christmas!

If you're willing to share your experiences of checking it out I'd love to hear them. Look forward to your comments.

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Top 10 PPO’s

Top 10 Behaviours that Peeve People Off

How often do you run into PPO's? (Behaviours that "Peeve People Off"!)

I often see people dishing out PPO's. Sometimes other people are on the receiving end. Sometimes it's me on the receiving end!

PPO's create problems between people in just about every workplace and every home every day - creating stress, anxiety, ill-will, distrust, payback, retaliation - ouch!

So in the interests of better relationships - both personal and professional - let's check out a list of the "Top 10 PPO's":

Top 10 PPO's

At number 10:
Taking priority over others.
No discussion, no agreement… people taking priority over others just because they want it, and can get away with it!

Number 9:
Making assumptions about others.
People making assumptions based on limited (and often selective) information. Just as others don't know the totality of what's really going on with us, we don't know the totality of what's really going on with others!

Number 8:
Jumping to conclusions about others.
Ditto. What applies to making assumptions also applies to jumping to conclusions. People jumping to conclusions based on limited (and often selective) information. Just as others don't know the totality of what's really going on with us, we don't know the totality of what's really going on with others!

Number 7:
Forcing responsibilities on others.
No discussion, no agreement. People using whatever level of manipulation/deception/coercion/force it takes to get others to do what they want!

Number 6:
Taking responsibilities from others
Again, no discussion, no agreement. People using whatever level of manipulation/deception/coercion/force it takes to "take over" others rightful responsibilities - with or without their knowledge.

Number 5:
Setting limits and dictating rules... and imposing them on others.
No discussion and no agreement. People setting limits and dictating rules that work for them, then using whatever power they have to impose them on others.

Number 4:
Making decisions... and imposing them on others.
Again, no discussion and no agreement. People making decisions based on whatthey think is "best" or "right" then using whatever power they have to force them on others.

Number 3:
Demanding compliance and obedience from others.
People demanding others do what they want / need / think is "right". As if their way is the right way, and other people's wants and needs are less important than theirs. Again, no discussion and no agreement.

Number 2:
Manipulating behaviour with rewards and/or punishments.
People rewarding and punishing others using whatever power they have to bestow or withhold based on their judgement of how well other people "measure up" to what they think is "right" or "acceptable".

At Number 1 on our list of Top 10 PPO's (drumroll please!) basically, what most PPO's boil down to:
Number 1:
Abuse of Power.
People using "power plays" to manipulate/deceive/coerce/force others to do what they want - at others expense!

"Hey! What's going on??!!"

It's easy to see how behaviours like these PPO! ("peeve" being a gross understatement in many situations!).

3 questions to improve your communication skills (and your relationships!):

When (if ever) am I on the receiving end of PPO behaviours?
What do I typically do when I'm on the receiving end?
When (if ever) am I dishing out PPO behaviours? (Even without realizing it?)

If you'd like to share your experiences of PPO's you're welcome to add your comments to the blog.

If you'd like to understand more about what's going on in these situations, and what you can do to handle situations like these without striking out, or sucking it up. If you'd like to handle even the most difficult situations with respect for yourself and others - with class and style you can be proud of (and other people will admire) - it's absolutely doable, in fact it's easy… when you have the right skills.

In the coming weeks in the h-spot emails and blog posts, I'll be sharing information about why people use PPO's, how to communicate without using PPO's, and how to deal with it when other people are using PPO's on you! In short, "what hurts" and "what works" in communication.

If you'd like to get the information sooner, and in one hit - it's all in my new book:

What's Going On?

An Exploration of Communication:

What Hurts and What Works

Today I'm releasing the digital version of the book to h-spot subscribers.

For a limited time, it's available at the release price of $10 plus GST (Total $11 Australian). Being digital it downloads immediately and within minutes.
Read more about it here.
Jump to the order form here.

To set it up so there's no risk to you, it comes with a 100% 365-day, no-questions-asked, money-back guarantee. So if, for any reason, you don't like it I'll refund the purchase price in full, no questions asked. And I'd be happy for you to pass it onto someone you think would like it.

If you're experiencing stress in relation to PPO's, I believe the information in this book will give you a perspective on what's going on, and the skills to handle it, that will reduce (even eliminate!) that stress. I know it works for me!

Until next time...

Here's to better communication creating better relationships - both personal and professional!

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Just in case you think communication is overrated...

What does your mum say you can do?

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Top 20 #3 Check It Out

Ever had people make assumptions about you, and draw conclusions about you that were completely off base? Here's a technique you can use to elegantly set the record straight. The same tool also ensures we don't fall into the same trap! Whatever you "think" "intuit" or even "see" or "hear" going on - you can make sure you've got it straight, and other people do too, simply by "checking it out!" This slideshow shows you how:

Top20 #3 Check It Out

Where might this be useful for you?

The way I see it, the coolest people handle even the most difficult situations with cool, calm confidence - without putting people down!

You're welcome to download any of the presentations on this site. Embed them in blogs and websites, and email the link to friends and associates to spread the word. Every little bit helps!

Details of the remaining Top 20 Communication Skills will be featured in upcoming blog posts. If you'd like to get the information sooner you can get it here now.

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What do you say to your kids on a daily basis?

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Top 20 #2 Get Puzzled

If you get angry or intimidated when people are domineering, controlling, bossy or obnoxious, here's another technique that might help you out. The objective is not to inflame the situation - it's to add a little perspective to the situation. Instead of being upset or angry, imagine being puzzled, confused, or curious as to what's going on. Check out the slideshow to see how it plays out.

Top20 #2 Get Puzzled

hmmm... where can I use this?

Cool people handle ALL situations with cool, calm confidence!

You're welcome to download the presentation, embed it in your blog or website, and email the link to your friends to share the love!

Details of the balance of the Top 20 Communication Skills will be featured in upcoming blog posts. If you need the information sooner you can get it here now.

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Top 20 #1 Pattern Interrupt

When a conversation starts to run off the rails... a "pattern interrupt" can turn things around, getting you back on track fast, and with "class" not "bite"! Check out the presentation to see how it works...

Top 20 Communication Skills #1 Pattern Interrupt

You're welcome to download the presentation, embed it in your blog or website, and email the link to your friends to share the love!

Details of the balance of the Top 20 Communication Skills will be featured in upcoming blog posts. If you need the information sooner you can get it here now.

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Top 20 #7 Do-Over

When you sense your communication has taken a turn for the worse... a "do-over" could be just the thing to get you back on track. Check out the presentation to see exactly how it works...

Top 20 Communication Skills #7 Do Over

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You're welcome to download the presentation, embed it in your blog or website, and email the link to your friends to share the love!

Details of the other 19 of the Top 20 Communication Skills will be featured in upcoming blog posts. If you need the information sooner you can get it here now.

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Introducing... Top 20 Communication Skills

Introducing the Top 20 Communication Skills - To Get You Out Of Trouble! - for those times you sense communications have taken a turn for the worse. Over the next weeks I'll be uploading presentations for each of these Top 20 Communication Skills.

So...

If people are bullying, intimidating, taking advantage, ignoring... you and others you care about... this series of communication skills will help you stop it. With "class" not "bite".

Stay tuned...

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Don't Get Mad, Get Puzzled

If you ever get angry or intimidated when people are domineering or obnoxious, here's a few thoughts that might help you out. Of course, the objective is not to inflame the situation... it's to... add a little perspective to the situation. These 3 simple strategies work best if, instead of being upset, you're puzzled, confused, or curious as to what's going on, and why this person would be talking to you like this. After all, cool people handle even difficult situations with cool, calm confidence, don't they? Oh, that it was so!

Click on comics for larger views, and to print.




















Do you do this?

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Leading By Example...

How we talk to our kids is how they learn to talk to others - and us, if they're game!

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eek! Am I doing this?!

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What's Good For The Goose...

Surely it's ok for kids to speak like this if we do...

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eek! Am I doing this?!

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"I suppose by "cooperate" you mean, "do it your way"??!!"

So what would you say if you suggested cooperation, and you got the reply: "I suppose by "cooperate" you mean, "do it your way"??!!"
Try this on for size...

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Oh! Am I doing this?!

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"I don't want to talk about it!"

So what do you say when someone says: "I don't want to talk about it!"?
See how you feel about this...

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Oh! Am I doing this?!

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Do People Violate Your Human Rights At Work?

If a person threatens and intimidates you - that's "assault". Has it ever happened to you at work?
Can you imagine saying this...??

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Oh! Am I doing this?!

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"You have a funny way of looking at things!"

For times when people think their way of looking at things is the "right" way... and everyone else is "wrong"!

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Oh! Am I doing this?!

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"You don't do it like that!"

Have you ever had people admonish you; "You don't do it like that!"?
Here's a thought for next time they do!

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(Apparently, THEY don't do it like that!!)

Oh! Am I doing this?!

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Do people "go off" at you?

It's rough... if you don't know how to handle it.
How often does it happen to you?



Oh! Am I doing this?!

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Do people use "threats" to try to get you to do what they want?

Sadly, lots of people do! And it can feel like a Catch-22 if they have the "power" to "punish" you, for example; fire you, or cut you off.
I wonder how they'd feel if you did the same to them?



Oh! Am I doing this?!

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